100 Ways to Fight the Flab Competition. Judged by Janie Millman, Morgen Bailey (and me).
…. It was very, very difficult to choose. We wrangled and debated but finally in the end, we came to a decision. All five were terrific and in recognition of this, Mike and Janie of Chez-Castillon have been incredibly generous (thank you Janie and Mike!) and offered FOUR runner-up prizes of a £100 voucher to be used towards any of their fabulous courses. These go to:
Karen Booth for “The Regulating Waist Plan”
Jane Lovering for “Bum’s Away”
Cathy Lennon for “Acquire a Labrador”
Tony Tibbenham for “Roll Six for Chocolate”
But the winner is … drum roll… etc…
CLARE MACKINTOSH for her ingenious poem!
Janie Millman, judge and co-owner of Chez Castillon, who had this one down as a firm favourite from the start, describes it as “witty and unique” saying: “It shows a great sense of humour. I really do think it’s clever – I like the way she has managed to mention Chekhov and Shakespeare…” Adding “and I have always love standing on my head.”
So Hurrah for Clare and our brilliant runners-up and a round of applause to all on the long list and a huge thank you to everyone who entered. I am hoping some of you will agree to your tips (and you!) appearing in the print version of 100 Ways to Fight the Flab which is coming out at Christmas (Better get on and write it then, hadn’t you? Ed).
Clare wins six nights at the amazingly gorgeous Chez Castillon in September (avec moi).
and I am hoping she will give me permission to reproduce her poem in the book too.
In the meantime, your weekly Flab Fighting tips from me will resume next Sunday and for a hundred of the buggers all at once see the kindle book, available here for a mere 77p (what a bargain).
Thanks everyone. And Happy Flab Fighting 🙂
Here – for your delight and delectation – is the poem again….
The upside-down diet tip: a poem by Clare Mackintosh
|I was trim, I was slim,I attended a gym,Then I left work to become a writer.
Now I scoff, and I trough
(and I’m still no Chekhov)
It’s no shock that I’m getting no lighter.
I’m game for a change, I can’t stay the same,
And I’ve hit on the perfect idea,
It’ll win, I’ll be thin, I’ll have only one chin,
A skinnier version of Shakespeare.
So what is the plot? It won’t take a lot,
I shall stand on my head when I’m eating.
When I chew on my stew, without further ado
It’ll stay in my head (that’s the cheating).
Begone, Deli jelly! Don’t enter my belly,
Go right up and hand-feed my brain.
All that bread can instead go direct to my head,
With an order of chicken chow mein.
I shall shrink, I shall slink, I’ll be able to think,
With such nutrients feeding my mind.
I shall write, I shall fight, I won’t ever turn upright,
In my quest for a tiny behind.
p.s. Don’t try this at home.