We have a winner!!!!

100 Ways to Fight the Flab Competition. Judged by Janie Millman, Morgen Bailey (and me).

….  It was very, very difficult to choose. We wrangled and debated but finally in the end, we came to a decision. All five were terrific and in recognition of this, Mike and Janie of Chez-Castillon have been incredibly generous (thank you Janie and Mike!) and offered FOUR runner-up prizes of a £100 voucher to be used towards any of their fabulous courses. These go to:

Karen Booth for “The Regulating Waist Plan”

Jane Lovering for “Bum’s Away”

Cathy Lennon for “Acquire a Labrador”

Tony Tibbenham for “Roll Six for Chocolate”

But the winner is … drum roll… etc…

CLARE MACKINTOSH for her ingenious poem!

Clare Mackintosh

Janie Millman, judge and co-owner of Chez Castillon, who had this one down as a firm favourite from the start, describes it as “witty and unique” saying: “It shows a great sense of humour. I really do think it’s clever – I like the way she has managed to  mention Chekhov and Shakespeare…” Adding “and I have always love standing on my head.”

Janie

Janie and Katie Fforde at Chez Castillon

So Hurrah for Clare and our brilliant runners-up and a round of applause to all on the long list and a huge thank you to everyone who entered. I am hoping some of you will agree to your tips (and you!) appearing in the print version of 100 Ways to Fight the Flab which is coming out at Christmas (Better get on and write it then, hadn’t you? Ed).

Clare wins six nights at the amazingly gorgeous Chez Castillon in September (avec moi).

and I am hoping she will give me permission to reproduce her poem in the book too.

In the meantime, your weekly Flab Fighting tips from me will resume next Sunday and for a hundred of the buggers all at once see the kindle book, available here for a mere 77p (what a bargain).

Thanks everyone. And Happy Flab Fighting 🙂

janexx

Here – for your delight and delectation – is the poem again….

The upside-down diet tip: a poem by Clare Mackintosh

I was trim, I was slim,I attended a gym,Then I left work to become a writer. Now I scoff, and I trough (and I’m still no Chekhov) It’s no shock that I’m getting no lighter. I’m game for a change, I can’t stay the same, And I’ve hit on the perfect idea, It’ll win, I’ll be thin, I’ll have only one chin, A skinnier version of Shakespeare. So what is the plot? It won’t take a lot, I shall stand on my head when I’m eating. When I chew on my stew, without further ado It’ll stay in my head (that’s the cheating). Begone, Deli jelly! Don’t enter my belly, Go right up and hand-feed my brain. All that bread can instead go direct to my head, With an order of chicken chow mein. I shall shrink, I shall slink, I’ll be able to think, With such nutrients feeding my mind. I shall write, I shall fight, I won’t ever turn upright, In my quest for a tiny behind. The End. p.s. Don’t try this at home.

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100 Ways to Fight the Flab Competition – Top 5

Following on from last weekend’s Top 12, we are pleased to announce the creators of the Top 5 Flab-fighting tips, complete with the tips themselves, again in author surname alphabetical order. We’d love to have your feedback. Please do comment!

Karen Booth – The Regulating Waistband Plan

Sort the contents of your wardrobe into two piles – one a size or two smaller than your real size, the other one or two sizes bigger than you really need (this shouldn’t be a problem for anyone who can relate to yo-yo dieting who’s likely to have a range of sizes in their wardrobe for fat and thin stages). The idea is to wear the smaller sizes whenever you’re at home or working alone – anytime you’re going to come across few people. You’ll find it difficult stuffing yourself when your waistband’s cutting you in two, you’re likely to feel full quicker and the rolls and muffin tops you see every time you pass a mirror will be a candid reminder of the need to watch what you eat!When it comes to socialising and being in company, it’s time to choose from the ‘two sizes bigger’ outfits and revel in the compliments when your friends ask if you’ve lost weight – well surely you must have done, your clothes are hanging off you! This method also works well with the ‘fast and feed’ plan, wearing your tight clothes on fast days will leave you feeling like you’ve troughed your way through a five course meal (well alright, you might also need to use a little imagination!) whereas your bigger outfits on a feed day will allow you to feel comfortable eating what you like – just don’t overdo it and end up filling your ‘big’ pants!

Cathy Lennon – Acquire a Labrador

The canine equivalent of the fat bridesmaid in lemon taffeta on your wedding photos, a Labrador will do comparative wonders for your silhouette. But he’s a practical help as well. You can get rid of those kitchen scales – when it comes to portion control, what he can demolish in thirty seconds makes the contents of your plate seem positively dainty. Even better, your chances of finishing anything are slim. Without a lifebelt and wellies you’ll have to hand over at least half of what you’re eating or risk drowning in a drool tsunami. Even cucumber and apple cores. And quinoa. (See! Helpful or what?)Not only can the Labrador deploy the Vulcan death stare to Oscar-winning standard when you’re trying to eat, he will offer you the same ‘aid to willpower’ when it comes to exercise. Labradors are creatures of habit. You thought death and taxes were hard to avoid? Try missing his usual walk time. Seriously. Psychologists in the military use Labradors as the go-to training aid for SAS-style relentlessness. You’ll cave. Eventually.On the plus side – and Labradors usually are – you’ll have someone who looks fatter than you do in high viz lycra. And to keep your motivation up he’ll always let you win any race. Well, you won’t be stopping every few yards to sniff crisp packets and lick empty Greggs bags, will you? (WILL YOU?!) But don’t do your business in the street like he does. Unless you’re an actual marathon runner.

Jane Lovering – ‘Bum’s Away’

I recommend placing a large picture of one’s object of desire some six feet distant, then practising ‘lunging’ forward with alternate legs to place a kiss upon said object of desire. Not only does this shape the behind, but it gives necessary practice in the ‘snog and retreat’, which comes in handy should one actually meet the object of one’s desire.# Aim for ten kisses with each leg. #no liability accepted for restraining orders.

Clare Mackintosh – The upside-down diet tip: a poem

I was trim, I was slim, I attended a gym, Then I left work to become a writer. Now I scoff, and I trough (and I’m still no Chekhov) It’s no shock that I’m getting no lighter. I’m game for a change, I can’t stay the same, And I’ve hit on the perfect idea, It’ll win, I’ll be thin, I’ll have only one chin, A skinnier version of Shakespeare. So what is the plot? It won’t take a lot, I shall stand on my head when I’m eating. When I chew on my stew, without further ado It’ll stay in my head (that’s the cheating). Begone, Deli jelly! Don’t enter my belly, Go right up and hand-feed my brain. All that bread can instead go direct to my head, With an order of chicken chow mein. I shall shrink, I shall slink, I’ll be able to think, With such nutrients feeding my mind. I shall write, I shall fight, I won’t ever turn upright, In my quest for a tiny behind. The End. p.s. Don’t try this at home.

Tony Tibbenham – Roll 6 for Chocolate

If you really want that chocolate roll a dice and if you get a 6 you are allowed the treat. Variations include rolling 2 dice and only allowing the treat if you get double 6.Things to be aware of: Only allow yourself one roll per treat, no rolling for hours until the 6 appears.  Consider rolling really vigorously so you must scramble all round the room and under the sofa to find the dice after the roll:  That way you get exercise and the chance of a treat.

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And next weekend we shall be announcing the winner!

For a reminder of the prize…

The entrants had to: Write a diet or fitness tip in no more than 250 words. Entries were be judged on originality and entertainment value.

The author of the best tip will win: a week’s writing course with Jane Wenham-Jones, September 28th-4th October 2013 at Chez Castillon (see http://chez-castillon.com for full description) including meals and accommodation (flights not included) – worth £875.

And as a late addition to the goodies on offer, Janie and Mike Wilson – owners of the fabulous Chez-Castillon, have offered two £100 vouchers towards a course of the winners’ choice (terms and conditions apply). So THREE lucky names will be revealed here next Sunday at 6pm…

Thank you again to all that entered!

Jane, Janie and Morgen xxx

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100 Ways to Fight the Flab Competition – Top 12

Taa-Raaa – we have the first set of results of the Fight the Flab Competition, judged by Janie Milman, co-owner of the fab Chez-Castillon, Morgen-with-an-e-Bailey – blog-designer extraordinaire and me. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. Morgen has been the organised one and done all the admin, so over to her….

Hi Morgen here

Yes, that’s right – the entries were so impressive that we couldn’t agree on just ten.

Five of the twelve received a vote from all three judges, the other seven were picked by two of us.

Below are the shortlisted twelve and we shall be putting our heads together to pick out a winner… we may be some time! 🙂 Only kidding, we will be posting the Top 5 here on Saturday 11th May then the winner on Saturday 18th May… listen out for the fanfare. 🙂

For a reminder of the prize…

The entrants had to: Write a diet or fitness tip in no more than 250 words. Entries were be judged on originality and entertainment value.

The author of the best tip will win: a week’s writing course with Jane Wenham-Jones, September 28th-4th October 2013 at Chez Castillon (see http://chez-castillon.com for full description) including meals and accommodation (flights not included) – worth £875.

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and now for the Top 12… (in alphabetical order by surname)

Name	Tip Name
Karen Booth	The Regulating Waistband Plan
Philippa Bowe	Clean out your colon
Tracy Fells	The E-Plan
Ninette Hartley	Sleep The Fat Away
Jessica Kennedy	Stop Doing the Dishes
Cathy Lennon	Acquire a Labrador
Jane Lovering	Bum’s Away
Clare Mackintosh	The upside-down diet tip: a poem
Jan Newton	Make Rejection Work for You
Janet O’Kane	Why join a gym when you can work out at the supermarket?
Rebecca Stanley	In a Spin
Tony Tibbenham	Roll 6 for Chocolate

So good luck to those 12 and watch this space for the top 5 next weekend and the winner the weekend after!