That’s right! All your votes came through and we are now a finalist for The People’s Book Prize.
Voting for the finals opens on May 15th but until then we just want you to know how grateful we are to everyone who took the time to vote, your vote made all the difference.
If you want to see the list of finalists then just click here.
A quick reminder that there’s still one day left to vote for ‘100 Ways’ in The People’s Book Prize, just click here. Every vote makes a difference!
Now we’ve got that out of the way, here’s the tip we promised you.
Flab-Fighting Tip No. 20 – Whiten your teeth.
Bright gnashers are always attractive and one of those kits where you have put the bleaching gel in the rubber dental moulds and clamp them over your teeth for hours on end are relatively inexpensive and effective. They also make it totally impossible to eat.
There’s still ten days to vote for ‘100 Ways to Fight the Flab – and still have wine and chocolate’ in the People’s Book Prize.
You are the judge for this competition which means that every vote counts! So, we need your help to get through to the next round.
If this book helped you, or at least made you chuckle a few times, it would be great if you could find the time to vote. Just click here!
Huge thank you to everyone who has voted or is going to.
That’s right! ‘100 Ways to Fight the Flab – and still have wine and chocolate’ has been nominated for The People’s Book Prize.
What makes this prize special is that it’s judged by YOU! That’s right, the public decide which books deserve to get through to the next round of the competition.
So, if you liked the book, or it helped you when trying to lose weight, maybe you could find the time to vote. Just click here!
A huge thank you to everyone who has already voted and those who plan to.
100 Ways to Fight the Flab Competition. Judged by Janie Millman, Morgen Bailey (and me).
…. It was very, very difficult to choose. We wrangled and debated but finally in the end, we came to a decision. All five were terrific and in recognition of this, Mike and Janie of Chez-Castillon have been incredibly generous (thank you Janie and Mike!) and offered FOUR runner-up prizes of a £100 voucher to be used towards any of their fabulous courses. These go to:
Karen Booth for “The Regulating Waist Plan”
Jane Lovering for “Bum’s Away”
Cathy Lennon for “Acquire a Labrador”
Tony Tibbenham for “Roll Six for Chocolate”
But the winner is … drum roll… etc…
CLARE MACKINTOSH for her ingenious poem!
Clare Mackintosh
Janie Millman, judge and co-owner of Chez Castillon, who had this one down as a firm favourite from the start, describes it as “witty and unique” saying: “It shows a great sense of humour. I really do think it’s clever – I like the way she has managed to mention Chekhov and Shakespeare…” Adding “and I have always love standing on my head.”
Janie
Janie and Katie Fforde at Chez Castillon
So Hurrah for Clare and our brilliant runners-up and a round of applause to all on the long list and a huge thank you to everyone who entered. I am hoping some of you will agree to your tips (and you!) appearing in the print version of 100 Ways to Fight the Flab which is coming out at Christmas (Better get on and write it then, hadn’t you? Ed).
Clare wins six nights at the amazingly gorgeous Chez Castillon in September (avec moi).
and I am hoping she will give me permission to reproduce her poem in the book too.
In the meantime, your weekly Flab Fighting tips from me will resume next Sunday and for a hundred of the buggers all at once see the kindle book, available here for a mere 77p (what a bargain).
Thanks everyone. And Happy Flab Fighting 🙂
janexx
Here – for your delight and delectation – is the poem again….
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The upside-down diet tip: a poem by Clare Mackintosh |
| I was trim, I was slim,I attended a gym,Then I left work to become a writer.
Now I scoff, and I trough (and I’m still no Chekhov) It’s no shock that I’m getting no lighter. I’m game for a change, I can’t stay the same, And I’ve hit on the perfect idea, It’ll win, I’ll be thin, I’ll have only one chin, A skinnier version of Shakespeare. So what is the plot? It won’t take a lot, I shall stand on my head when I’m eating. When I chew on my stew, without further ado It’ll stay in my head (that’s the cheating). Begone, Deli jelly! Don’t enter my belly, Go right up and hand-feed my brain. All that bread can instead go direct to my head, With an order of chicken chow mein. I shall shrink, I shall slink, I’ll be able to think, With such nutrients feeding my mind. I shall write, I shall fight, I won’t ever turn upright, In my quest for a tiny behind. The End. p.s. Don’t try this at home. |
Following on from last weekend’s Top 12, we are pleased to announce the creators of the Top 5 Flab-fighting tips, complete with the tips themselves, again in author surname alphabetical order. We’d love to have your feedback. Please do comment!
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Karen Booth – The Regulating Waistband Plan |
| Sort the contents of your wardrobe into two piles – one a size or two smaller than your real size, the other one or two sizes bigger than you really need (this shouldn’t be a problem for anyone who can relate to yo-yo dieting who’s likely to have a range of sizes in their wardrobe for fat and thin stages). The idea is to wear the smaller sizes whenever you’re at home or working alone – anytime you’re going to come across few people. You’ll find it difficult stuffing yourself when your waistband’s cutting you in two, you’re likely to feel full quicker and the rolls and muffin tops you see every time you pass a mirror will be a candid reminder of the need to watch what you eat!When it comes to socialising and being in company, it’s time to choose from the ‘two sizes bigger’ outfits and revel in the compliments when your friends ask if you’ve lost weight – well surely you must have done, your clothes are hanging off you! This method also works well with the ‘fast and feed’ plan, wearing your tight clothes on fast days will leave you feeling like you’ve troughed your way through a five course meal (well alright, you might also need to use a little imagination!) whereas your bigger outfits on a feed day will allow you to feel comfortable eating what you like – just don’t overdo it and end up filling your ‘big’ pants! |
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Cathy Lennon – Acquire a Labrador |
| The canine equivalent of the fat bridesmaid in lemon taffeta on your wedding photos, a Labrador will do comparative wonders for your silhouette. But he’s a practical help as well. You can get rid of those kitchen scales – when it comes to portion control, what he can demolish in thirty seconds makes the contents of your plate seem positively dainty. Even better, your chances of finishing anything are slim. Without a lifebelt and wellies you’ll have to hand over at least half of what you’re eating or risk drowning in a drool tsunami. Even cucumber and apple cores. And quinoa. (See! Helpful or what?)Not only can the Labrador deploy the Vulcan death stare to Oscar-winning standard when you’re trying to eat, he will offer you the same ‘aid to willpower’ when it comes to exercise. Labradors are creatures of habit. You thought death and taxes were hard to avoid? Try missing his usual walk time. Seriously. Psychologists in the military use Labradors as the go-to training aid for SAS-style relentlessness. You’ll cave. Eventually.On the plus side – and Labradors usually are – you’ll have someone who looks fatter than you do in high viz lycra. And to keep your motivation up he’ll always let you win any race. Well, you won’t be stopping every few yards to sniff crisp packets and lick empty Greggs bags, will you? (WILL YOU?!) But don’t do your business in the street like he does. Unless you’re an actual marathon runner. |
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Jane Lovering – ‘Bum’s Away’ |
| I recommend placing a large picture of one’s object of desire some six feet distant, then practising ‘lunging’ forward with alternate legs to place a kiss upon said object of desire. Not only does this shape the behind, but it gives necessary practice in the ‘snog and retreat’, which comes in handy should one actually meet the object of one’s desire.# Aim for ten kisses with each leg. #no liability accepted for restraining orders. |
|
Clare Mackintosh – The upside-down diet tip: a poem |
| I was trim, I was slim,
I attended a gym, Then I left work to become a writer. Now I scoff, and I trough (and I’m still no Chekhov) It’s no shock that I’m getting no lighter. I’m game for a change, I can’t stay the same, And I’ve hit on the perfect idea, It’ll win, I’ll be thin, I’ll have only one chin, A skinnier version of Shakespeare. So what is the plot? It won’t take a lot, I shall stand on my head when I’m eating. When I chew on my stew, without further ado It’ll stay in my head (that’s the cheating). Begone, Deli jelly! Don’t enter my belly, Go right up and hand-feed my brain. All that bread can instead go direct to my head, With an order of chicken chow mein. I shall shrink, I shall slink, I’ll be able to think, With such nutrients feeding my mind. I shall write, I shall fight, I won’t ever turn upright, In my quest for a tiny behind. The End. p.s. Don’t try this at home. |
|
Tony Tibbenham – Roll 6 for Chocolate |
| If you really want that chocolate roll a dice and if you get a 6 you are allowed the treat. Variations include rolling 2 dice and only allowing the treat if you get double 6.Things to be aware of: Only allow yourself one roll per treat, no rolling for hours until the 6 appears. Consider rolling really vigorously so you must scramble all round the room and under the sofa to find the dice after the roll: That way you get exercise and the chance of a treat. |
***
And next weekend we shall be announcing the winner!
For a reminder of the prize…
The entrants had to: Write a diet or fitness tip in no more than 250 words. Entries were be judged on originality and entertainment value.
The author of the best tip will win: a week’s writing course with Jane Wenham-Jones, September 28th-4th October 2013 at Chez Castillon (see http://chez-castillon.com for full description) including meals and accommodation (flights not included) – worth £875.
And as a late addition to the goodies on offer, Janie and Mike Wilson – owners of the fabulous Chez-Castillon, have offered two £100 vouchers towards a course of the winners’ choice (terms and conditions apply). So THREE lucky names will be revealed here next Sunday at 6pm…
Thank you again to all that entered!
***
Taa-Raaa – we have the first set of results of the Fight the Flab Competition, judged by Janie Milman, co-owner of the fab Chez-Castillon, Morgen-with-an-e-Bailey – blog-designer extraordinaire and me. Thank you so much to everyone who entered. Morgen has been the organised one and done all the admin, so over to her….
Hi Morgen here
Yes, that’s right – the entries were so impressive that we couldn’t agree on just ten.
Five of the twelve received a vote from all three judges, the other seven were picked by two of us.
Below are the shortlisted twelve and we shall be putting our heads together to pick out a winner… we may be some time! 🙂 Only kidding, we will be posting the Top 5 here on Saturday 11th May then the winner on Saturday 18th May… listen out for the fanfare. 🙂
For a reminder of the prize…
The entrants had to: Write a diet or fitness tip in no more than 250 words. Entries were be judged on originality and entertainment value.
The author of the best tip will win: a week’s writing course with Jane Wenham-Jones, September 28th-4th October 2013 at Chez Castillon (see http://chez-castillon.com for full description) including meals and accommodation (flights not included) – worth £875.
***
and now for the Top 12… (in alphabetical order by surname)
|
Name |
Tip Name |
| Karen Booth | The Regulating Waistband Plan |
| Philippa Bowe | Clean out your colon |
| Tracy Fells | The E-Plan |
| Ninette Hartley | Sleep The Fat Away |
| Jessica Kennedy | Stop Doing the Dishes |
| Cathy Lennon | Acquire a Labrador |
| Jane Lovering | Bum’s Away |
| Clare Mackintosh | The upside-down diet tip: a poem |
| Jan Newton | Make Rejection Work for You |
| Janet O’Kane | Why join a gym when you can work out at the supermarket? |
| Rebecca Stanley | In a Spin |
| Tony Tibbenham | Roll 6 for Chocolate |
So good luck to those 12 and watch this space for the top 5 next weekend and the winner the weekend after!
This could be more complicated to arrange than the dog, but horse riding will also give you muscles of iron. I have the equine problem licked ever since begging for and receiving a hilarious Christmas present which had my husband choking over his credit card statement for the next six months. The iJoy ride is an exercise machine that simulates the action of riding a horse and as you jog up and down, tones your buttocks, thighs and stomach. You can flap your arms at the same time, add weights and do various exercises as outlined in the dvd of suitably bored-looking girls that comes with it. Visiting children will enjoy it too. Plonk the smallest and loudest on there and turn it up to full speed before they can trash the place.
For a quick glimpse of a slappable-looking smug bloke using one, along to a typically-annoying voice-over, I have found you this youtube clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QOQy4XlBlc
To buy one – go here
Don’t forget I am eagerly awaiting your Before and After photos for any of these tips. Or even just the “befores”. I can always photoshop your head onto a thinner body later…. 🙂
Happy Flab-fighting!
So eat a chilli. The hotter the better. Chillies raise the metabolism and the fierier they are, the greater the effect. I ate my last fresh one last night and it’s too cold to go shopping today so here, by way of illustration, are some I bottled in olive oil the last time I was being a domestic goddess – HA!
Experts estimate that one can expect a 15% increase in calories burned for about two hours after eating a hot chilli sauce. Buy packets of fresh chillies from the supermarket and then keep and dry the seeds. 
Growing them yourself is easy, cheap and satisfying (sorry to sound like an excerpt from Cooking on a Shoestring in a Bedsit for One) and the plants look pretty on the kitchen window sill. I used to grow new ones each season until a nice girl called Hannah Harman, who works for
I met her at the launch of this fab book –
told me that you could cut back the plants when they’d finished fruiting, give ’em a feed, and they’d sprout again. Here are mine beginning to do just that…
Try them – the chillis – finely chopped in omelettes and scrambled egg, over meat or fish, in sauces and – for the brave – straight down with a couple of crisps. Actually, you will find the more you eat, the more your tolerance will grow (I don’t wish to be indelicate here, but it is best to build up slowly!). They are strangely addictive after a while. Now I twitch if I haven’t had a hot hit in a day or two.
ANOTHER HOT TIP next Sunday at 6pm (UK time). In the meantime, please try this week’s and let me know how you got on. Comments gratefully received – Before and After pictures especially welcome… 🙂
Should you be thoroughly over-excited now, you can buy the entire book 
on Amazon UK or Amazon US.
And if you do, don’t forget there’s a COMPETITION to enter with the most fabulous prize you can possibly imagine… (no, it is not a packet of chillis)
Happy Eating and have a good week…
Introduction
Yes, my bum looks big in this…
I am probably not thin enough to be writing a diet book. Which is why this isn’t one. Don’t they all say that! The writers of diets do their best to avoid the word. They may call it an ‘Eating Plan’, a ‘Whole New Approach’, or put the emphasis on a change of ‘Lifestyle’. But scratch the surface and underneath they’ve all got the same bad news. You’ve got to stop eating anything nice! Typically, there’s a skinny bird on the front cover, or some mumbo jumbo science on the back and a strap line telling you you’ll never be deprived. They use words like ‘permanent’ and ‘healthy’. They tell you that, after reading these particular pearls of wisdom, you need never go on a diet again…
At this point, you know it’s going to be bunkum. Do these fine works, on any of their 350 pages (largely comprised of repeating themselves), ever recommend sitting down with a bottle of Chablis and a packet of Kettle Chips? Do they suggest on Day Four of Lose A Stone and Never Feel Hungry that a Danish pastry is the way to go? Any mention of it being just fine to mop up fourteen cold chips and half a fish finger from the kids’ plates?
Whichever way you look at it, it is all about cutting down. Books like that occasionally allow a ‘Daily Treat’. One fun-sized Mars Bar, say, or a small glass of dry white wine. What’s fun about a chocolate bar an inch long? Where is the point in ONE glass of wine? We’re not stupid. However much we may bluster about slow metabolisms and big bones and layers of lard running in the family, even those of us (me) with absolutely zilch in the understanding-science department, can secretly grasp the basic equation regarding portions in and expenditure of energy out. Namely: If what goes in is greater than what goes out, you get fat. If what goes in equals what goes out, you stay the same (this may equal above). If what goes in is less than the sum of what goes out you get thin (hurrah!).
Though maybe not ‘hurrah’ for long, because, they hasten to tell us, the moment you go back to eating anything at all that you like, you’ll be waddling again. Whole volumes have been written about how, when you drastically reduce your calories, your body thinks it’s starving (and so do you!) and your metabolism slows down so it can start conserving fat.
Then, the minute you start collapsing with malnutrition and fall on a doughnut, it packs it away in a nice wobbly deposit on your bum before you can say: GI index! Depressing innit?
That’s why there’s all this emphasis on a ‘change of lifestyle’. It’s short-hand for never, ever, eat what you really want, again. I am here to tell you, you can. I am here to save you!
I am not super-thin but neither am I morbidly obese. Which, considering my unhealthy career choice (not for nothing did I coin the term ‘Writer’s Bottom’), vast consumption of wine, crisps and chocolate and somewhat erratic approach to exercise, is a small miracle. Depending on which set of charts I use and how much I fudge my height, I am generally within ‘normal’ parameters; I have a BMI of 22 ish, a hip to waist ratio that passes muster with the medical profession and there was a day, once, when I was wearing black and the sort of underwear that crushes your internal organs, when I was even described as ‘slim’.
I am at the sort of weight where if you dress cleverly, hold your stomach in and make sure no one snaps you with a wide-angled lens, you can get by without anybody thinking you’re too much of a fat moo (heavy weekend on the peanuts, a badly cut dress and the skinniest friend in tow: different story).
If I need to, I can quickly lose half a stone, and the rest of the time, there are small steps I take to keep that writer’s backside at bay. I am going to share these with you here.
As a disclaimer, I must point out that I am not a nutritionist, or a doctor and if you are truly obese and needing three airline seats there is little I can do except to suggest you think about a gastric band and don’t wear white leggings.
But if your arse is merely on the large side and you’re feeling a little podgy round the edges, welcome to my world. Let us first comfort ourselves with the fact that whoever said that older women had to choose between their figure or their face was spot on. A bit of fat makes you look younger.
Let us also hail the research that says a big bottom can be a healthy life choice: those with plenty of gluteofemoral fat – that’s a lard arse to you and me – are set for a riper old age than those with a ballooning belly.
Let us remember that Marilyn Monroe was famously a size sixteen. And that just because you don’t get mistaken for Kate Moss it doesn’t mean you’re an elephant with a weight issue.
I am going to share these with you here.
As a disclaimer, I must point out that I am not a nutritionist, or a doctor and if you are truly obese and needing three airline seats there is little I can do except to suggest you think about a gastric band and don’t wear white leggings.
But if your arse is merely on the large side and you’re feeling a little podgy round the edges, welcome to my world. Let us first comfort ourselves with the fact that whoever said that older women had to choose between their figure or their face was spot on. A bit of fat makes you look younger.
But we all want to shape up from time to time – after Christmas and Easter; before the summer; when a wedding’s coming up or your thin friend is having a party; any time one needs to bare arms.
Or a least, we want to look as if we have. These tips may help.
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